10 Years Deep Into This

Recently I got to celebrate my 10th anniversary of podcasting. But honestly, it coincides with the 10th anniversary of this blog. I have not been here consistently, but you guys have. I have been graced with the amazing community that I have built on social media. But I really have to stop and thank the readers here, because this is where it all started. On January 23rd, 2014 I made my first entry here and it was my first podcast episode.

I didn’t know what I really wanted to do with this blog. I honestly still don’t. I feel like back in 2015 is where it peaked, because that is where I and a few people were on here trying to push out actual posts and content. But the fact that people still read posts from that era of this blog really shows that I had something here. That is really what I want to get back into.

Chasing those memories of posting gives me anxiety about the burnout that came along with it. I struggle with being a full writer because of the fear that my words will not always show up when I need them to I work in pursuit of making my way as a full-time creative. I think that is one of my major flaws.

I promise the next post will be some content that isn’t a brain dump, I just have to get my brain flowing into the rhythm of writing this content. I have been doing more candid writing and putting my thoughts more into my poetry and Zines. I like having conversations with you. I like being able to let you into a perspective of my head.

I have this weird expectation in my mind that I need to finish something within one session. If I have to come back to it, I feel as if whatever I am writing will never be finished. I  have abandoned so many attempts at returning to this stage of my writing. From my thoughts on comic book character developments, complete series breakdowns, and popular TV show reviews. Because I did not get it all done in that one sitting, I failed and these drafts will never see the light of the blog.

I am working on changing that mentality about my writing. Even now, this post took more than one day and way more than one writing session to complete. I am proving to myself that I can do this, I can write traditionally and I do not have to be perfect every single time that I get behind this keyboard. There is a creative that I follow and have been inspired by for a bit, her name is Hallease, and she is a digital media creator and storyteller in the same vein as myself. She loves making diverse and meaningful content that resonates in many ways. But, her main mantra for this year is “Creativity Must Persist”

Pushing past all of my mental blocks and keeping my wits about me so that writing can be more than just a passion. It can develop into the thing that brings me joy and stability. I am not in this for notoriety, I actually dread getting more eyes on my content, but I know it will happen. I will push myself to make posts and grow the readership of this blog to where it was back in the day.

I have found that the larger your follower count gets, the more you get lost in the creative process. I have seen so many creatives get caught in the constant need to feed the algorithm and keep the growth of their views and followers growing. There is this mindset that I notice when you have hit that high, you always continue to chase more. I have never been a numbers-driven person. The numbers that this blog does, as small as they are still baffle me. I tend to always find myself asking, who is reading this? Why are they reading this? But the writing I do and the posts that are on here definitely appeal to someone. I find solace in knowing that anyone can read my words and get something out of it.

My writing, my opinions, and my words are able to be found by someone needing to read exactly what I feel about the things we are equally passionate about. This is really just the start of my writing journey this year. I want to get more of the writing I do published and out into the world. I am a writer, and holding my writing close to my chest is not the way I want to write. Putting myself out there is the only way to make my dreams a reality.